How to survive in Feudal Japan
by InuKag01234
Summary: a list of what not to do in feudal Japan collection I mostly found on internet ... very funny though


Do not ask Inuyasha about his time of the month

Or Naraku

Sango is not Australian just because she has a boomerang

Do not ask if you can see if Naraku, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru wear undergarments under their clothes

This goes double for Miroku who will be more than happy to let the girls find out

Shippo is not a punching bag

Do not make Rin cry

Do not call Naraku 'Monkey Man'

Inuyasha does not need coffee

Neither does Shippo

Neither does Rin

Inuyasha doesn't want to do it 'doggie style'

Neither does Sesshomaru

Do not ask Kagome how well Inuyasha wields his sword

Jaken is not an ugly plushie

Sadly, he is a real….um...toad demon? Imp? *shrugs* who knows

Do not call Koga Jacob Black, no matter how well it fits him

Do not tell Sesshomaru to play 'Fetch'

Or InuYasha

Do not ask Kagura, since she is 'the wind itself' if she could blow your kite down from a tree.

Do not hide random articles from the future in the past

Do not steal random articles and try to pawn them off as antiques

Kanna's mirror does not get cable

Kagura is not an extension on Naraku, she is a henchman…woman

Do not introduce Miroku to your sister…or your aunt…or your mother…or your grandmother…or any woman in the future for that matter

Or any woman full stop. Period.

Do not use the Sexy-No-Jutsu to transform yourself into Kagome, as this will not make Inuyasha love you

This doesn't work on Sesshomaru either

Do not teach Shippo the Sexy-No-Jutsu

Especially when Miroku is around

Do not bring 'Inuyasha the Musical' with me

Do not hum 'Down Under' around Sango

Inuyasha does need obedience school but do not say this to his face

Naraku does not need a hug

He may need, need psychiatric help, but do not mention so

Do not use Miroku's hand cover thing as a band aid especially since he needs it more

Inuyasha does not want a dog treat

He wants potato chips

Do not dangle potato chips in front of Inuyasha's face

Do not go up to Miroku while Sango and Miroku are deep in conversation and when Sango has a potentially deadly weapon and say, "We need to talk. I'm pregnant."

Do not tell Inuyasha Kagome having an affair with Sesshomaru

Do not tell Kagome that you saw Inuyasha and Kikyo together last night

Do not tell Koga you're having an lesbian affair with Kagome

Do not spontaneously kick Jaken into water

Rin doesn't need to learn how to wield a sword

Or any other sort of weapon

Do not hum 'Reproduction' around Miroku

Do not suggest that before a mortal combat in which Sesshomaru is helping us to use Rin as bait

Jaken is the best suggestion

Kanna is not albino

Kagura is not a lost member from the Hyuuga Clan

Kirara is not to be used as a campfire

Do not hug Kirara and squeeze her and call her George as this may result in painful injury

Do not refer to Kikyo, Kagome and Inuyasha as a love triangle

Do not randomly steal the Tetsigia to see if Inuyasha will go demon

Or replace it with a blowup

Right before a critical battle

OR replace the Tokijin and Tenseiga with blowups

Do not sing 'Dradle Dradle Dradle' whenever Shippo uses the dradle thing

Do not replace the Shikon Jewel with a regular pink bead

Do not give said pink bead to Inuyasha

Or Naraku

Even though there is something between Kagura and Sesshomaru, Do not sell this information to Inuyasha

Even though it is great blackmail

Kagura is not allowed to go into the modern world

Do not compare Temari to Kagura

Do not shove a car down the well of time to attempt to reenact 'Back to the Future'

(God knows how it got there in the first place)

Do not play the Song of Time every time I open the door to the shrine

Or whilst approaching the well

Do never bring a Puritan with me

'Spreading the Disease' is not Kagome's theme song

Nor is 'Barbie Girl'

'Womaniser' is not Miroku's theme, not matter how much it fits.

Do not go up to Miroku and demand that he pay up

Kagura is not Naraku's and I will not tell Sesshomaru that she is

Do not use Raid against Naraku's insects

Even if it works

If Inuyasha becomes heavily injured, do not shout, "Get up! It's only a flesh wound!"

Sango is not allowed to put the special prayer beads around Miroku's neck to have him 'sit' on command

Inuyasha is not you pet

He's Kagome's but mentioning that is fatal

Do not tell Inuyasha the in a parallel universe he is Edward Cullen by default

Or Naraku that his equivalent is Victoria

On that same note, Inuyasha doesn't need to sparkle so I will not rub glitter glue on him while he is asleep

Do not ask Kanna "Mirror Mirror in Kanna's hand, who is the idiot of the land?"

Everyone already knows the answer to this so there is no need to ask *cough* Inuyasha *cough* .

Do not tell Miroku that Inuyasha's sword is bigger than his

Do not say that in Dungeon's & Dragon's, I killed Inuyasha with a +8 Shippo….actually with a +69 Shippo depending on your perspective

Do not bring an Inuyasha plushie with me and say he has been in my pocket to see the expression on Kagome's face

Inuyasha won't get it but Kagome will explain it to him

Do not make a Naraku Voodoo doll

And don't give it to InuYasha

Nor Sesshomaru

Do not throw a surprise party for Naraku

Do not invite Sesshomaru

Or InuYasha

Or anyone else on the cast

Do not spike the punch

Do not bring a camera

Do not use these photos that were never taken as blackmail

Kagura is never to use a machine gun

Or hold one for that matter

Do not create your own dramatic theme music for combat

Miroku is not your sex slave

He's Sango's but mentioning that is fatal

If you steal the Staff of Two Heads from Jaken, do not use him as the golfball

Even if you think you will get a hole-in-one

Miroku doesn't need to see a soap opera

Naraku doesn't need Prozac

Do not steal Sesshomaru's fluffy, EVER

Do not refer to Jaken as Yoda

Rin is not to be referred to as demon bait around Sesshomaru

Do not ask Sesshomaru where he gets his eyeliner

Or Naraku

A pixy stick and Shippo are not to come within five yards of each other

This also applies to dangling it above his head

Do not offer Koga a squeaky toy

Or InuYasha

Do not somehow get them to fight over the squeaky toy they never got

Do not call in bets

Do not bring a working TV and call it a magic box

Do not then sell tickets for people to watch the magic box

Do not bring a dog whistle

Do not ask Naraku about the different applications of his tentacles

Do not bring Melia

Do not paint Sesshomaru's nails

Or InuYasha's nails

Do not hide Kagome's make-up in Inuyasha's pockets

Do not give this make to Rin

Do not draw all over Sesshomaru

Make sure it's not Smudge proof

Or water proof

Do not mix the two together so that it never comes off

Do not turn him into a clown

Do not distribute illegal drugs

Do not bring a random amulet and then tell everyone that it has magical transforming powers

Do not bring a megaphone

Do not use said megaphone to give a three am wake-up call

Do not give the megaphone to Inuyasha

Or Shippo

Do not start music lessons

Do not give Sesshomaru a snow globe

Rin is the only one allowed to give Sesshomaru flowers

Do not enhance Naraku's monkey suit with glitter

Do not totally 'trick out' the monkey suit

Or Sesshomaru's fluffy

Do not put bumper stickers on Kagura's feather

Or a steering wheel

Do not play the 'Jaws' theme as Naraku approaches

Do not give Naraku a mohawk or a mullet

Do not dress Sesshomaru up in a skin tight, leather cat outfit

Do not duct-tape Inuyasha to a tree

Do not duct-tape Sesshomaru to the same tree

EVEN if there is room, Do not duct-tape Naraku to the tree

Do not put Sesshomaru in a dress and then introduce him as Fluffy to Miroku

Do not file Sesshomaru's nails down to a blunt

Or InuYasha

Do not attempt to put Inuyasha and Sesshomaru in family therapy

When Naraku is separated, do not steal and hide his body parts in different locations

This includes different continents

Do not bring the Inuyasha manga books, tell Inuyasha he's a star

Do not tell him everything thats in it

including everything he kept secret

Do not sell them on the street

Or to Sesshomaru

Or Naraku

Do not force Inuyasha to wear shoes

ESPECIALLY not sneakers

Do not give Rin a trumpet…

Or a piccolo…

Or a violin…

Or any high pitched instrument

Do not teach "It's a Small World" to Shippo

Or Rin

Do not sing the Barney song in the company of Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Naraku

Do not collar Sesshomaru's dog form

Do not collar Sesshomaru full stop.

Do not mention the mountains and a drunken fog around Inuyasha and the gang

Do not attempt to recreate the effects of the fog

Do not put fly paper on Inuyasha's shoulder so Myoga can't run away

Do silence Rin by giving her an electronic game system

Do not then remove the batteries

Do not switch the bodies of the cast members…no matter how humorous it may be

Do not poke Sesshomaru's arm and say "Hee hee. Flab."

Do not pass your hand under Sesshomaru's arm nub and ask if his arm is invisible

Do not take pictures doing any of the above

Do not blackmail any of the cast members with these pictures … that … weren't … taken …

And, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DO NOT, EVER bring this list with me to Feudal Japan.


End file.
